My Master and I got married in 2006.... shouldn't that mean "happily ever after"? Isn't that what marrying your Master means for the Slave? In real life, and the real world, I very much doubt a true "happily ever after" really exists. All relationships have at least "speed bumps" if not road blocks and detours...... Some even run into the Grand Canyon and the Continental Divide along the way. Throw in D/s and BDSM and HOLD ON FOLKS, it's gonna be a BUMPY RIDE!!!!
My marriage is no different and my husband and I had our teenage children testing our resolve and parenting methods every step of the way. He and I are VERY different parents which is a constant source of tension from day one of our relationship.... Throw in my health deterioration...... Add in a heavy dose of my extended family being devious thieving asses..... a few doses of alzheimer's/senility in our elderly relatives, a few elder deaths.... and then the economy crashed...and 3 years into our marriage, my husband lost the job that he'd had for nearly 20 years.
CHAOS ENSUED...and let me tell you... NOTHING in this would could have prepared me for what happened to my husband's mental and emotional status then.
He was out of work for 7 months. When a Dominant who has NEVER in his adult life been out of work and unable to support his family suddenly loses that, he gets DEPRESSED. Clinical Depression is a DISEASE. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It destroys EVERYTHING. He didn't listen to advice or encouragement from me nor anyone else. He didn't talk about his feelings or what was going on in our family's lives...... I felt completely locked out of his entire existence...and we had ZERO real income for the entire time except for what my kennels, our tax return, and a few collectibles we sold brought in. I was suddenly alone again... like before I met him. Reaching out to him was rebuffed repeatedly... or ignored.
In March and again in June, I took business trips to FL. The June trip, I extended into a personal vacation and took time to visit friends and do some personal "re-evaluation thinking". When I got back home, my husband and I had a discussion. I told the kids to leave for the night. I locked the doors, and we had an all or nothing "by goddess this is going to come out NOW or I'm going to shoot your ass" several hours long talk. It started with me turning off the tv and demanding for him to UNCOLLAR me since he wasn't fit to be anyone's Master any longer. That particular statement shocked him enough to get his attention for the rest of the discussion, which began AFTER he removed my formal, public, collar. His feelings were hurt by the statement, though, and I actually hated having to make it. Truth hurts and I am not one to ever mince my words.
How does a relationship survive such a dramatic change in status....? Well, the answer is, simply,... most don't. Most couples simply don't want to save a relationship once it's that far gone. In our case, my husband doesn't want to end our marriage. He wants to try to rebuild the trust and maintain the friendship. He also wants to keep the family unit together. So, together, we are working. It means that I remain Domme.... and he works to rebuild himself from his core out. It means I have to make lists and remind him and prod and be bitchy (which I hate). It means that I have to run things that he used to take care of for me.
When I began this Blog, I stressed the importance of COMMUNICATION between partners. When you lose that, you lose EVERYTHING. To regain anything, you have to start over. Trust once lost, is the most difficult thing to rebuild. Will my husband and I ever be Master/slave again? I don't know. I can survive without a Master. Will I be whole? I don't know.... but I can survive. I am a Switch. I am a Strong Flexible, Capable, Intelligent Woman . Blessed be.
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