Mobility & Health limitations and BDSM... and LIFE!

As we age, we all have new health issues that crop up. It is an extremely rare person who never once gets sick, or injured, in their lifetime. In 2010, I am faced with 2 major spine surgeries: one cervical, one lumbar/sacral. The first was in Feb, and had a great outcome. I will have the 2nd in Nov. It's more major and the recovery will be rougher, longer, and more humbling. I have learned, in the process of being affected by my health, exactly whom in my life--family, friends, associates-- I can count upon. I was surprised by some, dismayed by others.
I learned, as my health went south, that some supposed partners will take ANY excuse to exclude physicality. I am a very tactile person. I need touch. I simply do. I am sensual, and sexual, and physically motivated. To have that removed from me is like being punished, when you haven't done anything wrong. I tried to express this to my partner and got "I'm afraid I'll hurt you." Honey, I'm a masochist. HURT ME BABY!
What this means for the BDSM in folks is: ADAPT your play. If you can't walk, find standing activities. If you can't use your arms well, find less exertive activities. If you can't stand, have a chair or bench. Bottoms have an easier time with mobility issues. Service can be difficult but it can be adapted as well. It is all about communication between partners. Kink is individual. Expression of that kink, ahhhhhh, can be so varied. If you don't learn to expand your horizions, you are TRULY crippling yourself AND your partner(s).
Being a Switch, I have an added benefit, I can express Sadism and Domme joys as well. I can bring out the beauty in my submissive partner's personal enjoyment of our time together and that is a rush all its own! I don't get out much, and being isolated in rural Alabama, finding submissives is NOT easy, but not impossible. It hasn't happened, simply because I don't cheat on my husband.
I got to thinking about it, and actually tried to sit down with him and discuss the LACK of Communication, LACK of sex, LACK of BDSM, LACK of touch, and apparently LACK of affection, common interest, and everything else that seemed to have snowballed since about 6 months of our MARRIAGE.
I'm not saying all the fault is his. Goddess only knows I'm a cast iron bitch to live with. I am saying that I don't feel like a partner. He keeps secrets and internalizes EVERYTHING. I am an extrovert and want everything in the open. I expect things to be dealt with promptly, which he used to do, but when he was out of work, no longer does. I want to be noticed and appreciated, not treated like an unpaid housekeeper. And letting the kids disrespect me, PUBLICLY or privately? OH HELL NO! I am a type A personality, with OCD. I can't sit back and NOT do things. I can't let things be ignored. I'm disabled, but not incapable. If I can't fix it, I expect my partner to fix it. When little things go for 2 yrs, or more, not repaired, or worse, not cleaned... I get sick of it. I'd have fixed it myself if I'd been able.
During this time, I made the final decision to end my marriage to my former Master. He'd not owned me in over 2 years anyway, but he'd also proven (repeatedly) that he wasn't going to BE THERE in times of need. The man I fell in love with, the man I trusted, the man who was once my best friend... that man was either a figment of my imagination ... OR simply LOST inside his own angst. Frankly, if I've got to take care of everything, I don't need that kind of excess baggage on my trailer, you know?
I am fortunate, however, to have good friends rallying round me. When I do file the papers, there will be MUCH hostility from his family. And I'll be recovering from major surgery. I'll have a boatload of debt as well. It's always the way with divorce.